Why Do Married Men Cheat?
Despite how society may feel about the issues, married men and cheating is apparently here to stay.
In the 1950s, the famed Kinsey Report found that 50 percent of married men have at least one extramarital affair. A more recent study found reduced that number slightly to 40 percent. But both numbers may be even higher than reported since respondents in such surveys are many times reluctant to admit the truth, even anonymously.
Indeed, one needs to only look at the numbers of men who are members of the wide variety of discreet adult dating sites to discover that both of those totals may be a conservative estimate. And the number of discreet adult dating websites themselves has exploded in recent years, giving married men a convenient outlet for their extramarital desires.
But why do so many married men flock to these websites seeking sexual companionship outside of their marriage? There’s no one answer, of course, since all men are different, think differently and have different lives. However, there are some basic reasons that can serve as a small glimpse into the reasons that married mean cheat.
While sex with their spouses may have been fantastic when they first got together, men can get bored rather easily. The idea of having the same brand of sex with the same woman year after year can be enough to drive some men to seek out extramarital affairs. Throw in the monotony of marching to the same job, the same weekend routine, the same bills, etc. and those numbers can swell. Men crave variety and for many the desired variety can come in the form of an extramarital affair. Engaging in an affair with one or even more partners can supply the change in routine that a married man may need to cope with the rest of his life.
Unhappy with spouse
People change over time, especially married couples. They can easily fall into a routine and find that the things that once made them happy and thrilled now seem boring and mundane. Continued with the routine long enough and that boredom can eventually turn into anger and resentment. Many married men who cheat point to their spouses as the reason: “She’s put on too much weight.” “She nags constantly.” “She doesn’t want to do anything fun.” These assessments may or may not be true, but it really doesn’t matter if the married man perceives them to be true. They’re enough for him to seek out someone else who is at least some of the things his spouse is not.
Too much pressure at home
Facing bills, work assignments, mortgages, chores, etc., a married man can begin to feel pressure at home. He wants to fulfill his obligations to his job and family, but may see himself as trapped on a never-ending treadmill of responsibility. For many, an affair is a welcome outlet to the pressures of the everyday world. A discreet affair allows him to forget about his problems and simply enjoy the moment. He can be whoever he wants to be while having an affair – a happy-go-lucky man about town, the suave man of mystery, the sophisticated country gentleman. The problems he has at home can be erased, at least for a few hours and he can relax. The discreet affair may also have a side benefit of helping him to be more relaxed at home and better able to cope with the responsibilities without reaching the end of his rope.
Misunderstood at home
Everyone needs an outlet when things aren’t going all that well at home. Despite the number of years you two may have been together, your spouse may still not understand the intricacies of your personality. This misunderstanding of your particular idiosyncrasies can result in fights and threats that only fester and grow larger over time. And the more you try to explain, the more your feelings may be dismissed as mere excuses. Everyone needs someone to talk to, an impartial party who can listen with an unbiased ear. An affair with someone who realized your marital situation and is willing to listen (as well as be a great sexual partner) can be a great benefit. You don’t want to burden them with your problems too much, of course, but discussing an occasional problem, as well as being willing to listen to theirs, can make the affair a useful one.
The thrill of the chase
For many men, the most exhilarating part of an affair is the steps that lead up to it, or “the chase”. Finding someone who seems interested in pursuing an affair, the give and take of the conversation as they try to persuade the other party to take part, arranging a meeting, using their conversational and persuasive skills to take the prospect a step further and then the actual affair itself. It’s not unlike the chase and the hunt among the beasts of the jungle. There’s something primal about pursuing a partner for a discreet affair and the rush that goes along with it is almost as good as the actual affair itself for many men.
Plain old sex
We don’t mean boring, vanilla sex, but just sex itself. For whatever reason, many men find themselves shut off from sex from their spouses or significant others. It may be a medical issue or simply one where their partner has lost interest. The decline of a sexual relationship in a marriage has been the cause of many a divorce or separation. A man may still have feeling for his partner in many other areas but isn’t willing to end his sex life because of her lack of interest. A discreet affair may actually help both parties, giving the man the sex he wants and removing the pressure from the partner to have sex when they have no interest.
Almost everyone wants to be thought of as sexually exciting or, at the very least, appealing to someone else, be it someone of the opposite or same sex. Making contact with someone who finds you attractive and sexually exciting is an ego boost for any man who’s been involved with one other partner for a long time and has given up any thoughts of whether he’s still “got it”. In addition, many spouses may take their husband or partner for granted and ceased giving them those little compliments on their looks or sexual performance that can stroke their ego. Finding a partner who is anxious to begin a discreet affair is a sign to a man that he is still attractive on some level and can still be thought of as sexually exciting person.